About a week ago, I walked into the media center at my son's school for his chess club trophy presentation, a club in which he started participating at the beginning of the school year. My heart leapt with joy as I watched him goof around with other boys his age, each trying to beat their teacher in a game of chess. He was having so much fun and seeing him enjoy himself like that made my day.
As the presentation of trophies began, I noticed a pattern. They'd give out a trophy for the chess champion in each grade, then the "bughouse" game trophies, which ranged in size based on which place the student achieved. They always started with last place, though it was referred to as third, fourth, or fifth, depending on how many students were in that grade level. It was all very cheerful and the kids enjoyed standing at the front of the room posing with their trophies as they had their pictures taken.
When they reached my son's grade, I got my camera ready and awaited his name to be called. "Fifth place bughouse...." I heard, followed by my son's name. He marched up front, flashed his sweet smirk of a smile and then took his place back in the audience to cheer for his newly-made friends.
It was after the presentation when the real emotion came out. I went to gather my son and his belongings so we could head home and he just stood there with his head down. "Fifth place," he mumbled, pointing to the plaque on the trophy. "Yes! Fifth place!" I exclaimed, "Great job!" His confusion set in and then I explained how proud I was of him for trying a new activity; coming into this club just a few months before and seeing how much he had learned and how much fun he was having; knowing that with practice, he would get better and the trophy size would grow.
"Fifth place isn't bad!" he then said.
"No, sweet boy, it's not," I replied.
Why is it so easy for me to deliver this message to my son, but so hard for me to apply it to my own life?
You see, I started out this New Year, not with resolutions, but with a few goals. In order to achieve these goals, I needed to "up" my organization. So I bought myself a wonderful planner and when the school year began I set my sights high and started to plan. Dinners were planned and groceries were bought for the week, my exercise and work time was scheduled, and time was allotted for house cleaning and other chores. I even penciled in time for some reading and just play time with my family. It looked so wonderful ... on paper.
And then reality hit. Things popped up for which I hadn't planned. I started falling behind. My lists weren't getting crossed off to completion and my well-laid plans, well, they were becoming a reminder of what I didn't do. A weight settled on my shoulders and I found myself getting upset for not being able to follow my own plan.
And then my words to my son popped into my head. I just started this. Why did I expect to be perfect on day one, or even day 10? It takes practice and discipline and a positive attitude to learn something new AND be good at it. It was time for me to cut myself some slack and just be happy with my "fifth place" and focus on how I can improve each week. So far, dinners have been consistently on the table and trips to the grocery store have diminished. I'm learning a bit more about work and family balance and have a vision for the weeks ahead.
I'd say that's a pretty okay start.
Perhaps you're finding yourself in the same place, whether it is a resolution or a goal or something else. Take it easy on yourself. Practice makes perfect, so give yourself that time to practice before beating yourself up about not being perfect. You might just find that you have taken a step or two forward, and that's exactly where you need to be.
